Lock Uped

I've been for as long as I can remember. I've been in here since good surrounded me, but now the world is full of evil and I'm locked here unable to do anything.

The small slit of a window warms me up with the heat of the sun but that still isn't enough. Every morning I started a fire with only two rocks an the scarce pieces of hay that I have.

When the fire began to take force, I placed it in the run-down fire place. Right there are two little dolls that I've had since childhood. They are both reminiscent of both of my parents who I lost. I prayed for their souls every day.

This morning was different than the rest. This morning, I saw two crows, which gave me hope again. What has been broken can be repaired.

Moment

"What do you mean not visit the Cullens for a week ?" I asked Leah, I was about to get mad. The Cullens are my friends, I mean Edward and I have been close since that fight with the newborns and my friendship with the rest of them has grown through everything.

"It's just that I don't want the smell of vampire during this trip." she said. I can't believe I overreacted about that, maybe I did need this road trip.

"C'mon let's go pack". She stood up and patted my back walking towards the house. "You coming?"

I realized I was perfectly still in utter shock. "Seth ?" Leah asked me, she looked to see if anyone was around.

I realized that Leah was right all along, I have forgotten about my actual family and I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe that I put the Cullens first than my sister...

"Yeah Lee I'm alright go ahead, I'll catch up" I didn't mean to call her Lee, the nickname that Sam gave her, but right now nothing was straight to me.

I never thought how much I looked up to the Cullens, they were a family, one I used to have and I wished I had again and I guess I'm jealous of Jake and how happy he is now. I really need this road trip to clear everything in my head. I ran back home, but first I had to go somewhere.

Talk

Leah was where I expected her to be, the same stop she always went to when she was upset. She didn't like to phase as often as the rest when they were upset. I did, but you had to be lucky if you were alone so your thought could be completely to yourself.

She was looking out to the ocean with a serious expression on her face. I do feel bad for my sister, I mean being the only female werewolf and seeing Emily and Sam being perfectly happy while she's all alone and miserable. She reminds me of Jake in the beginning, seeing how perfectly happy Edward and Bella were and him alone and miserable, but things changed for Jake and I don't think it would happen for Leah.

I've never like the concept of imprinting, its not that I don't believe it because I've witnessed it a couple of times, it's that I don't think its fair for either of them because they have no choice because they are bound together, they have no options and if the imprinter never was a werewolf, I bet they would have never fallen in love with that person in the first place. I tried to get the imprinting thing out of my head so I could talk to Leah about the road trip.

"Hey" I said while I was sitting down next to her. I was scared of what she was going to say, Leah's very unpreditable.

"Hey" she said back with her soft mellow voice which was an indication that she was all right.

"Look, let's just do the road trip thing for mom okay? How bad could it be?" Leah knew I was being sincere and I also knew she wanted us being a family again.

"Okay...". She said, her voice sounded like she gave up "but on one condition".

"What's the condition"? I didn't like he way this was going.

"Don't visit the Cullens for a week".

Road Trip

Since I've always been friends with the Cullens and my sister hates them, we've been fighting constantly.

"I hate how you always hang out with those leeches, it's like you've forgotten about your ACTUAL family". Leah yelled at me one day.

"Well everyone seems fine in my "actual" family Leah". And I was right, everyone seemed happy. My mom and Charlie's relationship is going great and their in the talks of us moving in with Charlie and Leah's off to Seattle soon for college, so I didn't see what the big deal was if I hung out with the Cullens a lot.

"I'm tried of you two fighting constantly". My mom says when she comes in from the kitchen. "I'm planning a road trip to California for next week, so you two better start packing".

"No thanks, I couldn't sit in a car for 17 hours with vampire stench." Leah left the house before I could say anything, but I did anyway..."Yeah well, I wouldn't want to stay in a car with you either anyway". I wanted to say more, but my mom was in the room. When I turned around to go to my room, I saw my mom's face. She was upset, this road trip would mean a lot to her.

I know I've put her through a lot this past year. First the situation with my dad, then both me and Leah phasing, and then me going off to protect the Cullens and basically betraying my family. I owed my mom alot too. I know she's strong and I know she had to hide her feeling when Leah and I left the house.

"I'll go talk to her." I told her and I fit a sigh in there. She hugged me and went off to Emily's so they could do laundry together; Sundays were their laundry days.

Changes

I think everyone during there life has to go through a change. They have to because they have to grow up or they'll be stuck wherever they are. You should change for the benefit of yourself and not for the benefit of others. But if others like your change, then it's just an added bonus.

I mean with change come surprises. Sometimes good or sometimes bad. These things can be permanent or temporary. But no matter how long the change is, it will affect your future in some way or another.

We have to grow up some time or another right? So we eventually have to let change in our lives.

We all change in a way, big or small, it's a big step in our lives

Fun

PS: THIS IS NOT MY FANFIC!

We all have fun sometimes in our lives, but we all have different types of fun.

Whether it's with your friends or alone, your probably doing something you consider fun.

Whether it's watching your favorite movie for the billionth time or playing the piano, your still enjoy your fun time.

Whether your laughing or crying or your laughing so much that your crying, it's probably because of all the fun your having.

Whether it's hanging out with your family or just thinking about them, you can picture yourself having a blast.

Whether it's eating ice cream or just watching the sunset with your loved one, your still having fun when your with them no matter what you two do together.

Whether it's crying your eyes out with a bunch of people you thought didn't know you, you still remember that day and how much you had that day with people who you realize you love.

You can always find fun in whatever you do. The thing is to enjoy it and making it last. :)

Fanfiction Update

Well I've decided to do more fan fiction as I believe I need to get more connected with my creativity and also with my obsession with Twilight.

So this fan fiction will be a couple chapters long (hopefully until I start running out of ideas) and this fan fiction will be about Seth Clearwater, my favorite werewolf in the Saga ( don't kill me Team Jacob fans). So my next post will being my fanfic.

Bye my fans, keep reading and writing! :)

Pain and Forgiving

As if it was easy to forgive. As with a snap of your fingers, everything you've suffered is gone. That's an impossible fact that we must sadly have to face. But imagine? Imagine the glory of never feeling pain. You'll be exulting everyday of your life and never shed another tear again.

I mean people make mistakes sometimes, yes I get it because I do to. Whatever mistake you do, big or small, pain will be inflicted on that loved one. Take the example of a heartbreak. The one who told you that they loved you just suddenly didn't? Of course you'll feel pain, but will you be able to forgive? It all depends on how much you actually love the person and your relationship before he broke up with you.

Let's look at another example, you leave everything behind to follow your dreams. I'm assuming that everything you leave behind isn't bad, is it? So you'll eventually have to give it up so you can follow your dreams. Will it be painful to leave behind all the good that you had? Of course it will be, but are you prepared to forgive yourself if your dreams don't come out exactly as you planned it to?

These are just questions I leave out in the open. No responses are neccessary, just something to keep in mind when you are about to make a decision. Will you be able to suffer pain and forgive yourself or someone else for it?

Loyalty

Loyalty to anyone or anything is important. Being loyal to your favorite series or books is even more important. Being loyal to them shows how much you care about them and also you'll let no other series get in front of yours. Whether your loyal to this series or that series, you can't just go and see the "competition" , that's just being unloyal. If your a fan of both, that's another topic that I won't discuss.

Just imagine this happening in life. Your best friend is loyal to you and one day this other friend comes along and he or she is now loyal to them! That's not fair!

I know competition is bad and whatever and we should all get along, but tthe truth about human nature is, we don't care! We'll fight for what we love and go to the ends of the earth to save and cherish it. If it brings us joy, are we going to let something else just trample all the hard work and years that we have dedicated to a series? No!

This message is for all Twi-Hards out there. I mean true Twi-Hards who don't want our series coming to an end because of something else( True Twi-Hards should understand what I mean). So all Twi-Hards, let's fight for our beloved series and that all we've fight for not end!

Unique

People think they know who you are inside and out. "Ohh I've known you for such a long time now," or "I know everything she's thinking about." Is that actually true? I don't think so. Unless your friend is Edward Cullen, then yes, he knows everything you think about, but I don't think that's the case.

Does your best friend know what you do as soon as you get home? or what your daydreaming about in math? Does she know your biggest secrets? Of course not, if she did then they wouldn't be secrets anymore right?

People are unique in so many ways: talents, thoughts, etc. Throughout life you develop who you are and find yourself. You may be thinking "I know, I know, why do I have to hear this a billion times in one day?" Well it's true and for me, that moment when I found myself and what I'm actually interested in, it shocked me. So many years thinking I actually knew who I was and some random day finding I'm actually the complete opposite, it's an amazing experience and I hope people who haven't lived it yet will soon.

Anyway going back to being unique. No one should be judged for what they like and what they are interested in. That's the whole purpose of being unique. Being completely different from everyone else and loving and respecting yourself.

That's why I encourage everyone to be their true selves because no one is going to be happier than you, ever, because nobody knows who you really are, only yourself :)

The Vow: Review

A couple weeks ago, I went to go see the movie "The Vow". I really didn't expect much of the movie so here's my review of it.

Rating: 4/10

Overall, I thought the movie was very messy in the sense of the plot. I felt the plot structure was weak and all over the place. From the flashbacks to the present and then the flashbacks again, it was very difficult to hold on to. I also didn't feel enough romance in the movie and during the course of the movie, some decisions that were made didn't make sense.

What I did enjoy about the movie was the effect of the car crash, when Paige, played by Rachel McAdams. Perfectly played and not that gruesome.

This is my review about the movie "The Vow". This is all my personal opinion on the movie

Being Ready

We all have our moments where we need to be ready. Either big or small, that moment must be important to us if we are thinking about it constantly. We don't want to rush or jump into that moment because the consequences may be good or bad.

It might be annoying that we can't decide right away, but isn't it better though? Because when you finally took those 2 hours to decide, you feel you have accomplished something.

"okay I have to decide now or the feeling is going to go away" Not necessarily. First rule of life: you should never be forced to do something that your not ready for.

Why do people jump into things when they know there not ready to take? Who knows and should you care? If it's someone you love and care about, yes.

Well the whole reason for this rant is everyone has decisions to make either big or small, but you need to be ready because that choice you made can be your worst or best choice you made :)

Update

Hi everyone :) Well just wanted to comment one thing, the entry "Internal Turmoil" isn't one of my favorites. I really didn't know what to writing about that's why it's labeled "ramblings". I just need to keep writing.

Thanks :)

Internal Turmoil

These times are the hardest for me to live because around this time I made my family suffer. These are the people I loved the most and the people who loved me the same. I was thinking of leaving, thinking that this was just to surreal for me to handle. Those emotions were just to difficult for me to handle. I regret every decision I've made in the past, every stupid decision. Sometimes it's good to think with your heart but you also have to think with your mind. I didn't listen to my mind and now I'm suffering the consequences.

You'd think you'd be past things but your not. Just one little thing can trigger everything.

It's so sad to see yourself like this, you feel sometimes that you've reached the edge. You feel sometimes that there is no solution to anything.

You see the sacrifices everyone is making for you and you try so hard to make it okay. You wish your heart was 100% with them but you feel that everything that you do will make them upset.

Everyone

Everyone each has her own feelings, something that no one else can control.

Everyone has his own angel, that protect them in the darkest hour.

Everyone has her own goal in life, one that she strives for every day.

Everyone has his own magical day, a day that he doesn't ever want to end.

Everyone has her own person to thank, that person that they'll always be grateful for.

Everyone has his perfect morning, then one sudden moment it changes.

Everyone has her moments where they think they found the one, but then she realizes he wasn't.

Everyone has his person who he goes for comfort, even though he won't admit it.

Everyone has her own understanding moments, every though it will probably last a couple of seconds.

Everyone has her own talent, and she tries to add it in her daily life.

:)

Update

Hi everyone, well there are a couple of updates that I want to tell you about:

1.) The song that I told you to guess was... "IT WILL RAIN" BY: BRUNO MARS!!!!!!!!

2.) Today I made an entry that has part 1 in its title so I'll make the second part soon. I'll make more of these soon :)

In My Head Part1

" I think school is made just to day dream" Natalie told me during lunch. "You know Jess, high school should just be like the movies". I laughed at her idea and got up to go to my next class.

I was talking to some friends and when I walked into the classroom everything seemed different.
"Am I in the right class ?" I asked myself. Of course I was, this has been my classroom for math since the first day of school.

It just looked so different. It looked like it was in a courthouse,like it didn't belong in a school building. I felt like I was about to testify or something. I checked around and saw that the whole building was the same, just not this classroom.

"Are you coming inside?" My math teacher asked me. It looked like she didn't know me at all. I checked the calendar and the date was right April 15th. I feel like this was going to be a fun day.

"No, I'm sorry, I'm in the wrong place." And that's where my adventure began

Salvation

This might be it, this might be the end of our chapter. We might make it our we might not. Who knows, but we all care where our future is heading after it ends. Will our hearts be filled with joy again? I mean, it's been with us since 2005 and our love for it has gotten stronger since 2008. But now, since it's 2012, the end is coming to us slowly. Some of us are excited, but some of us cry when we see or read anything about it.

It really has impacted our lives hasn't it? In my opinion, whenever I see anything about it, I feel refilled as it is my personal medication. But now what? What's going to happen the day after it ends, and the following days before it? I mean, I don't think anyone is going to have the power to stop the tears. This has been, for me, the best thing that has happened in my life. I know this is the same for many other fans. It has brought many people together and also helped people find their true selves.

Today, Friday, January 13th, 2012, it was officially announced that Lions Gate has bought Summit Entertainment. This news might sadden some or make others happy. For me, this news sadden me at the beginning because I felt that, truly, the Twilight Saga was ending, starting with the selling of the company that has brought the books to life. But then later in the day, I read that it might not be the end! Could it be possible? Hopefully it is because I don't think us Twilight fans could live without it. They're still rays of hope Twilight fans! :)

Dreams

Dreams are something that can be created and can be destroyed as easily as they were created. If we know that are dreams are going to be crushed instantly, then why do we so hard that they come true? Now hope has something to do with this...

Hope can be a very good, satisfying feeling, that's why we hold on to it even though we know our dreams can't come true. We have the feeling of hope, and we don't want to let go of it, but the crash is an unpleasant one.

So my question is: What's better being realistic or a dreamer? Many people are dreamers because they like the crash. Some people are realistic because they probably don't have any desires in life, no goals they want to follow.

You try and try that all you're dreams to become real and people say they'll help you, and actually when you have a chance to pursue your dream, those people back out on you.

Inspirational Song for "Love is a Funny Thing"

I know I haven't done this in a while, but for this entry I think it will be fun :)

I'm not going to say what the song is, but here's a hint: some lyrics of the song are in the entry. Leave a comment and I'll post the song next time I get to it :)

Love is a Funny Thing

Love is a very funny thing. When you love someone with so much passion, when they leave, you think you'll need medication just to stay alive.
One little thing can change everything in you relationship and things might not be the same for the both of you.
When you betrayed someone and love them, you should feel as if nothing can save your relationship with him or her.You might beg and beg that the person may take you back but if you hurt them deeply, they might not. But, if they love you so much they will accept you. To clear up all the mistakes you have made, you might make all the sacrifices you possibly can to make it up to that loved one.You do all these sacrifices to keep them close to you, to keep them by your side, keeping them from walking out the door. Yeah, love is a funny thing.

A View of Death.

Death is not something to joke about, it's serious. No one can laugh when someone dies. You can only feel pain and guilt went someone close to you dies. Death doesn't has its ups and downs, you don't have an option when you want to die or don't.

When someone close to you dies, you feel that the end of the world has come to your hands. You can't feel happy, the only thing you feel is sadness and despair.

You'll miss everything that you did with that person. You'll miss their warm hugs, their soft kisses, everything. They might say, before they die, not to miss them, but how can you not when they were so important to you. Others around you might not mention the person ever again, but how can you not, if that person was so important to you.

A death of a loved one is the hardest thing humanity has to face. You can never go back and relive those moments that you had with that person, you can only wish that they are living a better life than they did when they were alive.